Because You Loved Me
by gleek4lifee
Summary: Rated M due to sensitive content. (Warning: Contains miscarriage.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : The beginning of this story is going to be really sad but I promise the whole story won't be like that. Also I don't know what the healthcare is like in the USA I'm just going by what would/has happened in the UK. **

Walking into the kitchen she sighs as she sees her fiancé sitting at the table eating some toast and reading the newspaper.

"Babe… We need to go to the hospital." She says causing him to look up at her. Placing the paper on the table, he stands up and makes his way over to her.

"Why? What's wrong?" He asks. His eyes flicking down to her stomach before back up to her face. He watches her take a deep breath and reach out to hold his hand.

"I-I'm bleeding." She replies watching as his face pales and she shakes her head. She can't be the strong one now. Not today anyway. Without another word he calmly takes her hand in his and leads her out the front door locking it behind them. He's wearing grey sweats and white t-shirt while she's still dressed in pyjama pants and a vest top with her hair bundled on top of her head in a messy bun.

The car journey to the hospital was silent. Neither of them wanting to upset the other by saying something wrong. She stares out the window with tears streaming down her cheeks while he focusses on driving stealing occasional glances at her when they're stopped at traffic lights or he hears the odd sob leave her lips.

He wants to stop the car and pull her into his arms and promise her everything will be okay. But he can't. He can't make promises he can't keep. They both know what is more than likely happening here. They'd read about it numerous times, about the signs and the treatment. Nothing he said could change what is probably happening inside her body at this very moment.

As they turn into the hospital car park she turns to look at him. His hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles are turning white. His knee is bouncing seemingly of its own accord. He's barely holding it together and she knows. She can see the tears in his eyes threatening to spill and she knows they both know what the doctor is going to tell them.

Once he's parked the car they both climb out the car and make their way into the ER and over to the reception.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The receptionist asks looking up at the couple.

"Umm… I'm pregnant and I think I'm having a miscarriage." She replies as more tears begin to fall.

"Oh… Can I have your name and date of birth please?" The receptionist asks.

"Naya Rivera… 12th of January 1987." She replies and the receptionist nods her head.

"Okay then… Just take a seat and I'll get someone to see you as soon as I can." She says sympathetically.

Thankfully not a lot of people are in the ER as it is so early in the morning and those who are there are too wrapped up in their problems to even notice Naya, either that or they just have some decency to give her the space she clearly needs. She takes a seat right at the back of the waiting room and looks over at her fiancée.

"I'm scared Mark." She admits biting her bottom lip. He pulls her into his arms and holds her tightly against her body until her name is called around 15 minutes later.

The doctor was really nice and sympathetic. She done an ultrasound and informed the couple that their baby no longer had a heartbeat and what Naya was experiencing was probably, as they thought, the start of a miscarriage. She gave Naya the choice of being booked in for a D&C or being discharged and giving her body the chance to miscarry naturally. After Naya chose to be discharged the doctor gave the couple some leaflets and assured them there was nothing they could have done to prevent this happening. She explained what would happen before discharging Naya and allowing her to go back home.

* * *

Now they're sitting in the car outside a pharmacy. Both of them have tears in their eyes and they can see a couple of paparazzi gathering outside. They must've heard the couple were at the hospital because they were in their cars outside when Naya and Mark left and have now followed them.

"You stay here babe… I'll go in and grab the stuff." Mark says putting his sunglasses on to hide his teary eyes. She nods her head and smiles weakly at him.

"Keep the windows up and lock the doors when I get out." He adds before leaning over and kissing the top of her head. He climbs out the car and she quickly locks the doors before gazing down at her stomach.

"I-I'm sorry." She mumbles as her hand grazes the little bump which was already kind of visible.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe." She adds as the tears begin to flow because no matter what the doctor said at the hospital she can't help but blame herself. Maybe if she had slowed down this wouldn't have happened? Maybe if she hadn't told Heather before she got to the twelve week mark. Maybe she shouldn't of bought that cute little blanket yesterday.

Hearing the doors unlock she looks up and sees Mark climbing back into the car. He places the bag from the pharmacy on the floor at Naya's feet and reaches for her hand.

"Let's get home." He says giving her hand a gentle squeeze. She nods her head and grips his hand tightly as he begins to drive. The drive home is pretty much the same as the drive to the hospital was. Silent. The couple both try to process what has happened, what they've lost.

Entering the house Mark sighs as he shuts the front door behind him. Naya heads straight upstairs and he looks around the living room. Everything in here is full of reminders that they should be having a baby. Their first scan picture is framed and sitting on the fireplace. The pale yellow blanket with the duck on it that Naya bought is draped over the back of an armchair. It isn't fair. Why is this happening to them?

* * *

In the bedroom, Naya kicks off her shoes and slowly climbs into bed. She hears Mark talking to someone downstairs but blocks the conversation out. Squeezing her eyes shut she tries to block out the memories of last night when she got back from shopping.

"_How are my two favourite people in the whole world?" Mark asks as he gathers his fiancé in his arms. Her whole body relaxes in his embrace and she places a gentle kiss on his shoulder. _

"_Better now we're home with our number one guy." She replies smiling as she pulls away to look up at him. _

"_And how do you know this little one isn't a guy?" He asks running his hand down and over her little bump. _

"_Because mommy knows she's carrying a little princess." She replies grinning up at him. He unwraps his arms from around waist and kneels down so he's level with her stomach. _

"_Hey baby… Daddy here again." He says pushing her top up a little to reveal her stomach. She smiles as she looks down at him. _

"_Look what I bought today." She says as he presses a kiss to her stomach. He smiles and looks up at her as she pulls a yellow blanket from one of the bags she's holding. _

"_Oh is that for me?" He asks and she laughs._

"_Yeah I thought you'd like a new blanket." She replies smiling. _

"_I love it." He says laughing as he stands back up. _

"_I thought that we could do the nursery like a pale yellow or something. Maybe cream with yellow curtains or something?" She suggests and he nods his head. _

"_That sounds great. Just think, 2 more days and we've made it to twelve weeks." He says and she grins. _

"_I know. I can't believe it." She replies smiling. _

She opens her eyes as she feels the bed dip behind her. She feels Mark lean over and press a kiss to her shoulder before he sighs.

"Nay… Do you need anything?" He asks and she turns to face him.

"Can you just hold me please?" She asks unable to prevent the sob escaping her lips and he nods his head. He climbs into bed and pulls her into his arms as she breaks down.

After what seems like hours of Naya sobbing into his chest Mark feels her reach for his hand. She pulls it towards her and places a gentle kiss on it, her way of letting him know she's there for him.

"What are we supposed to say?" She asks not even attempting to look up at him. He sighs and kisses the top of her head.

"We don't have to say anything. We can just lie here together for as long as we need to." He replies and she nods her head, once again placing a kiss on his hand.

"I love you…" She whispers finally lifting her head to make eye contact with him.

"I love you too." He says holding her close to him.

* * *

A couple of hours later the couple are sitting up in bed. Neither of them have left the bedroom since they got home, except when Naya went to use the bathroom. Mark phoned Ryan and let him know they wouldn't be in for a couple of days due to a 'family issue'. He seemed to understand and told them to take as long as they needed.

"I know we weren't trying for a baby" He says and she nods her head. They hadn't been trying, sure they had talked about having children one day but they hadn't openly started to plan a baby. But despite the baby being a total surprise they both knew they wanted to keep the baby and start a family.

"And I know there will be other babies." He continues and she, again, nods her head. The doctor had told them they could start trying for another baby once Naya had her first normal period.

"But I really wanted that one." He adds and for the first time that day, he breaks down. She nods her head and pulls him closer to her.

"I know… So did I babe… So did I." She whispers holding Mark against his chest. She repeats his actions from earlier and places a kiss on the top of his head.

"I-I'm sorry… I should be strong for you not an emotional wreck." He says pulling away from her and she shakes her head.

"No… Don't. You don't need to be strong anymore Mark. It's okay for you to be upset, it was your baby as well." She replies pulling him back into her eyes and wiping her own tears away.

"We'll get through this together." She says and he nods.

"Together." He repeats as he cuddles her close to his body.

They spend the entire day in bed, exhaustion eventually taking over and allowing them to fall asleep, even if it is just for an hour or so at a time.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : I know this won't be everyone's experience of a miscarriage but I've based this off my experience. **

"Are you sure you are ready to go back baby… No one would blame you if you need more time off?" Mark asks as Naya takes two painkillers.

"I'm fine Mark… I need to get back to work. I need to you know, get back to normal." Naya replies and Mark nods his head.

"Okay then but you promise you'll let me know if it all gets too much for you." Mark says knowing that Naya's first day back at work isn't going to be easy for her.

It's been twelve days since the miscarriage and Naya has finally decided it's time for her to go back not that Mark is very happy with her decision. The past twelve days haven't been easy for either of them. On day three of the miscarriage the bleeding got heavier and the cramping got worse which resulted in Naya feeling very weak until the bleeding subsided. The cramps are still there occasionally and she's still spotting but she feels a lot better physically. Emotionally is a completely different story. Inside she is a wreck, outside she puts up a front.

"I promise… Can we leave now?" She asks as she slips her shoes on. He nods his head and opens the front door.

"Come on then." He replies putting his hand out to her. She reaches over and links their hands together before they make their way out the front door locking it behind them and getting in the car.

* * *

Making their way into Paramount, Naya sighs as she sees the cast members all gathered round a table in the green room.

"I'm just gonna go to the toilet babe… You go in. I'll be two minutes." Naya says forcing a smile on her face. Mark nods his head and leans over placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Okay…" He replies letting go of her hand. He watches as she enters the bathroom before making his way into the green room. No one notices he's came in and they all continue their conversation.

"Hey guys…" He says pulling a chair up beside Cory who turns at the realisation someone is sitting beside him.

"Mark! How are you?" Cory asks patting Mark on the shoulder.

"I'm okay…" Mark replies as everyone turns to face him.

"Where's Nay? She is coming right?" Heather asks and Mark nods his head.

"She's in the bathroom…" Mark replies. Without another word, Heather stands out and makes her way to the bathroom.

* * *

As she enters the bathroom she sees Naya leaning over the sink, her hair falling loosely past her shoulders making it impossible for Heather to see her face.

"NayNay… Are you okay?" Heather asks almost as if she's afraid of the answer.

"I'm fine HeMo…" Naya replies quickly wiping her eyes and moving her hair back.

"Are you sure?" Heather asks walking closer to Naya who nods her head.

"Yeah… See just fine." Naya replies plastering a smile on her face. Heather smiles back and pulls Naya into her arms gently running her hands up and down Naya's back.

"I know you're not okay Nay… You don't have to pretend. I know how much you wanted that baby." Heather says and she hears Naya whimper.

"I don't know if I can do this H…" Naya mumbles clutching at Heather's jumper.

"I've never been through this Nay and I know that nothing I say can make this any better. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through just now but I promise we are all here for you and you can phone me whenever you need to talk or if you just need to cry. I'll be here to listen regardless of whether it is 2pm or 2am, I will be here." Heather says holding Naya tightly against her whilst she cries.

10 minutes later Heather hears the bathroom door open and looks up to see Lea walking in.

"Everything okay? Mark is worried?" Lea asks noticing Naya wiping her eyes.

"Everything is fine… Tell Mark I'm just talking to HeMo." Naya replies pulling away from Heather's embrace.

"Okay…" Lea says quietly. She takes one last look at Naya and Heather before exciting the bathroom.

"Are you sure you're ready to come back to work?" Heather asks and Naya shrugs her shoulders.

"I thought I was but now I'm not so sure. I just… I needed to get out the house. I just need to get back to normal." Naya replies.

"Maybe getting back to normal isn't a choice just now… You've just lost a baby, your baby. You're going to be upset about it and that's okay Nay… Just don't push yourself too much." Heather says and Naya nods her head.

"Maybe you're right… Maybe I'm pushing myself too much." Naya replies looking at herself in the mirror.

"Why don't you come into the green room, grab a drink and see how you feel?" Heather suggests and Naya nods her head.

"Yeah… That sounds good." She says wiping her eyes. She links arms with Heather and the pair walk out the bathroom and into the green room.

* * *

Mark instantly stands as he sees Naya and Heather walk through the door. It's obvious Naya has been crying. She let's go of Heather and walks towards him.

"You okay?" He asks as she wraps her arms around him and buries her head in his chest.

"Mmmm… I will be." She replies sighing. He holds her tightly and rests his head on top of hers.

"Do you want to go home Naya… I understand if this is all too much too soon?" Ryan asks causing Naya to lift her head to look at him.

"No I'll be fine Ryan… I've already taken enough time off." She replies shaking her head.

"Don't be silly. You've… You've been through something really hard. I can understand if you need some more time off." Ryan says and Naya feels tears filling her eyes.

"I think that might be a good idea baby… Do you not?" Mark asks as he gently wipes a tear away from her cheek.

"Yeah… But you stay. I just… I need some time to be on my own." She replies.

"Are you sure? How are you going to get back home?" He asks as she rests her head back against his chest.

"I'll get a taxi or something. Just you stay and shoot your scenes. I'll be fine." She replies before turning to face Ryan.

"Are you sure this is okay?" She asks and he nods his head.

"Of course, we all just want you to recover and grieve the way you need to. Both of you." He replies and she nods her head.

"He's right… We're both going through this. Are you wanting to stay? I don't want to force you." She says looking back up at Mark.

"Yeah I'll be okay staying..." He replies and she nods her head.

"Do you want me to drive you back to your house?" Cory asks and Naya turns to face him.

"You've got to shoot… I'll be fine getting a taxi." She replies and he shakes his head.

"I've done all my scenes. I'm only here because I drove Lea." He says and she smiles slightly.

"That'd be great." She replies and he stands up.

"You wanting to go just now?" He asks and she nods her head.

* * *

She says her goodbyes and has a quiet word with Ryan, apologising repeatedly for not being able to stay despite his assurance that they're okay with her going home, before getting into the car with Cory.

"This will sound like a really stupid question… But how are you feeling?" Cory asks as they sit at traffic lights.

"Like shit." She admits for the first time in days.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I just feel like I shouldn't be this upset. Everyone says I need to grieve but I don't know what I'm grieving for. I hadn't even met the baby…" She replies gazing out the window.

"But you loved the baby Nay… Regardless of whether you had met the baby or not, it was still your baby and you had a connection with it. I bet you thought about what it would look like, dreamt about the day he or she would be born…" Cory says and Naya nods her head.

"Everyday." She mumbles as a tear falls down her cheek.

"See, you had that connection. You are grieving the loss of that. Of course you should be upset. I'd be worried if you weren't upset Nay. We are all here for you and Ryan understands that things are really hard for you at the moment. So don't even worry about that." He says and she sighs.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel like I'm just on repeat. Everyday I wake up in the morning, I cry, I go to sleep, I cry some more and then I go to bed." She says as he pulls into her driveway.

"You're on autopilot Nay. Your body is just going through the motions of everyday life and that's okay. Take some time and rest, get yourself pampered and maybe in a couple of days you'll feel better." He replies.

"Thank you for running me home." She says reaching over and hugging him tightly.

"No problem. You phone me if you need anything okay?" He asks and she nods her head.

"Okay." She replies quietly. She gives him one last hug before climbing out the car and walking over to her front door.


End file.
